u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
