Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
