we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I died a long time ago.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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