I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
