I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think my mom watched the whole time
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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