Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
