he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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