Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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