I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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