apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
