Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
