There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
