Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
