Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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