Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
