if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize