I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
