I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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