i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
