and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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