i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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