yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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