I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize