I cockslap morals
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
