i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
