party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
