Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
