So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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