Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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