I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
