I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize