I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
