I was born with a shot glass in my hand
high people should be assigned attendants
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
