In America we eat man semen.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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