you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
