Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
