he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize