you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
