Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
