I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
