dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
