someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
