i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Randomize
