Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
