I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
