Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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