help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
