Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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