He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
