How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is my gift to your gina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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