just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
