and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize