So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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