Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
