bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
