i just wanna soil my oats bro
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
bring money and cleavage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
