Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
