I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
