He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
