I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
