We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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