he shaved USA in his pubs
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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