Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
