I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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