Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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