Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
