I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
