He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
