I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
