The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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